Mom Remembers

Soren's birthday was really busy because we were also getting ready for Pat and Lyndsey's wedding.  I was really glad that my parents were there, though, because they helped to make it really special for him.  This is what we did: 1. As soon as Soren woke up, I wished him a happy birthday.  Then, I went to the bathroom.  While I was gone, he hurried out to the living room and opened his present!  I was a little dismayed to come out and see him already playing with his new toy (a pretend cash register) but, after thinking about it a moment, I was really proud of him.  He had been waiting all week to open that gift and hadn't touched it until that moment.  And he knew that on his birthday he could have it.  So he took it! 2. Scott and I went to the temple for Lyndsey's endowment.  While we were gone, Hannah and Owen came to play and Aunt Breezy watched them all. 3. When we got back from the temple, we made Soren's special birthday lunch: macaroni and cheese.  

SOREN: Driving on chocolate is really funny to the gospel.  Jesus laughs when you do that!

ME: Angels we have heard on high sweetly singing o'er the plains! SOREN: Angels we have heard on high sweetly singing all the planes! CARL: Angels we have heard on high sweetly singing on airplanes!

SOREN: Will you get me the markers? ME: No. SOREN: Should you get me the markers? ME: No. SOREN: That's disrespectful!  Be respectful and get me the markers.

A few months back, Scott made us a ton of white boards out of cardboard and white board paint.  We now have white boards for every occasion which makes this mom very happy. One of the most loved white boards is on the fridge and it is our calendar .  It is only a week long and we re-draw it every Sunday.  For efficiency's sake, I'm putting up this picture instead of explaining it: Soren has taken a great interest in the passage of time and in knowing what's coming up next.  He has always wanted things to be predictable and he really thrives on daily and weekly routines.  The calendar is great for him because he knows what we will be doing and when. The calendar minimizes tantrums about undesirable activities as Soren has plenty of time to prepare for the inevitable events (like church).  It also gives him hope when very desirable activities have to been postponed.   For example, one day he asked me to go visit the ducks but we just didn't have the time.  So we

CARL:  I am!  No, I am!  I am! No, I am! ME:  Are you being millions of cats? CARL:  No. ME:  You could have fooled me. CARL:  I am being just one cat.

SOREN: Get off my chair or I will take you to time out. CARL: No!  Time out makes me sad. SOREN: No it doesn't.  Time out makes you feel happy. TIM: So ... how would you like me to take you  to time out, Soren? SOREN: No, time out makes me  feel sad.

TIM:  Carl!  You are so grown up!  You lost all your baby fat! CARL:  No!  Please give it back to me!

Carl walks in on me getting dressed.  I'm only wearing my pants and a bra. CARL:  What do you look like? ME:  Um ... I don't know.  What do I look like? CARL:  You look like a little mermaid!

I can make music. I can make babies. I can make order. I can make Halloween costumes. I can make a schedule. I can make up a story. I can make dinner.

Why am I always tidying, baking, and laundering?  What is the purpose of all this cooking, cleaning, and mending?  There will always be more dishes, more dirty clothes, and more empty stomachs; sometimes it seems like a never-ending cycle of fruitless labor.  Nothing is ever truly finished.  I can't complete one task without another coming undone. Time unravels all my efforts and that can leave me feeling like I've accomplished nothing. There are a few things I do to regulate the time I spend on housekeeping and to keep my spirits high.  The most important for me is The Chore Game.  It's a game I invented to play three times a day that keeps my house at an acceptable level of cleanliness.  A few of my friends have asked me to formally share my housekeeping game and so I will include it (in it's current form) below.  The specific tasks and rules are inconsequential; what matters is that once they are decided, they are followed. The Object of the Game There is both a

When I think about the art of nurturing, I think about my responsibility as a mother to help my children reach their potential.  I want to help them flower into the wonderful, unique adults they were born to be. I have learned this past year that nurturing is, for me, much more about cherishing than about cultivating.  It is less about forming the child and more about knowing the child.  I have learned this by observing the way my husband nurtures me, which reminds me of the way God nurtures me.  They see  me as I really am.  They listen  to what I say and they notice  what I do.  They rejoice in my strengths and forgive me my failings.  They trust in my good intentions and they offer suggestions when I am most receptive to them.  All this encourages me to become my best self.  I want to nurture my children in the same way. Translating that sublime vision into ordinary acts is challenging.  It is the flip-side of yesterday's post about self-care and sometimes the two goals

I noticed when Soren was very young that I could not be any kind of mother to him when I did not take care of myself.  I knew before he was born that I needed to prepare myself to be his mother; I did not realize that afterwards, I would need to prepare myself continually to interact with him in a loving and thoughtful way.  I know now that I must make time to nurture myself. I'm not talking about gratifying my whims at the expense of my family and I'm certainly not talking about anything that can be bought and sold.  As suggested by this post's focus on ordinary  arts, I am talking about the everyday habits that will give me strength when my task is difficult and will allow me to experience joy when family life is harmonious.  I am talking about simple things and they are "of more importance than their simplicity might suggest."   There is a baseline level of wellness that I try to maintain.  It gives me the needed physical and emotional energy to carry

I've decided to follow along with a series of a posts on this beautiful blog .  The series is inspired by this quote by Thomas Moore: "The ordinary arts we practice every day at home are of more importance than their simplicity might suggest." I love that quote and think it is especially pertinent to mothers. Just because the things homemakers do are simple, repetitive, and under-appreciated does not mean they are unimportant.  In fact, I believe they are the most important things of all.  As David O. McKay put it, "She who can paint a masterpiece or write a book that will influence millions deserves the admiration and the plaudits of mankind; but she who rears successfully a family of healthy, beautiful sons and daughters, whose influence will be felt through generations to come, whose immortal souls will exert an influence throughout the ages long after paintings shall have faded, and books and statues shall have decayed or shall have been destroyed, deserves t

Soren is eating a bag of fruit snacks that a friend gave to him. They look awfully good. ME: Can I have one of those? SOREN: No, they're just for kids. Sorry.

* How to find the answers to their questions. * How to make friends. * How to manage money. * How to construct a logical argument and write it clearly. * How to pray. * How to listen to the Holy Ghost. * How to work for what they need and want. * How to manage their time. * How to take care of themselves. * How to take care of their home. * How to study the scriptures. * How to make meaningful contributions to their family and community. * How to stand up for what they believe in. * How to be happy.

ME: Would you like to tell a story? SOREN: Yes. I am going to tell the last story. It is about Moroni. He was ... he was ... who was he? ME: He was a prophet. SOREN: Yes. He was a prophet and he did ... he did ... what did he do? ME: He buried the gold plates so Joseph Smith could find them. SOREN: And Joseph Smith found them and thought that they were the scriptures so he read them. This is a true story. The end.

Every mom needs faith. I'm talking about faith in God. I, in particular, need more of it. That's why I'm writing myself this pep talk. This is what I know: There is a plan for Soren and Carl. I am a part of that plan. God wants me to be the best mother I can; He is counting on it. This is something else I know: I have made mistakes and I will make many more. I am often selfish and prideful, which is something motherhood allows me to work on overcoming. Sometimes I just make stupid choices. However, this is still part of the plan and I know that God's plan is more awesome than I can imagine. I will do the best I can and He will make up the rest. Hard as it is for me to believe it, He loves my boys more than I do. He isn't going to let me jeopardize their eternal happiness. So when I fret about parenting philosophies and educational decisions, worrying that I will "screw my kids up forever", I just need to take a deep breath and have a little fai

It's obvious in this antidote that I am overtalking. I do that a lot. Oh well. ME: We're going to have scripture study so I want you to keep your mouth closed and your ears open. And what should you do with your butt? CARL: Um ... listen? ME: No, sit!

ME: Would you like to tell me a story? SOREN: When Sariah's sons went to Jerusalem, they got the gold plates. That's kind of like a magazine, I think.

There are a lot of things that I want to teach my kids. There are stories I want to tell them and songs I want to sing with them. There are hugs and kisses I don't want to miss and life skills I feel it's important to practice. In the business of daily life, sometimes it's hard to find time for the time I want to spend with my kids. I hope that I can take advantage of the spontaneous moments that arise but just in case, I try to carve out special time with each boy every day. The way I do this is with Circle Time . It is easy to take 10 minutes for an individualized Circle Time because both of my boys still have a daily Room Time . So while Soren plays alone in his room, Carl has his Circle Time. Then when Carl plays alone in his room, Soren has his Circle Time. With Carl, I am currently teaching him to sit and listen to a story, which I hope will transfer over to more reverence during family scripture study in the evenings. So this is what Carl's Circle Time loo

1. I love that he is not as anti-cuddly as he once was. For example: 2. I like the way he snuggles with me while we watch The Electric Company 3. or the way he holds my hand when we walk 4. or the way he hugs me so earnestly and kisses so sweetly. 5. I am glad that he loves to learn 6. I love that he doesn't do anything halfway. He is enthusiastically engaged in everything he does. 7. I enjoy overhearing his pretend play, which is rich with fables and mythology as well as day-to-day activities. 8. I like to hear him telling his dad about all the things he has learned and done in a day. 9. I am glad that he still takes a nap. 10. I am glad that he has such a nice-shaped head. That sounds silly but it makes him look so good after I buzz his hair. 11. I love to hear him laugh with Carl. 12. I love that he still plays a lot with Peter (who was once "Rabbit"). 13. I love it when he is appreciative. Sometimes he is so thankful I start to worry. Still, it makes me feel good abo

Goals for Soren: * continue potty training (shoot for complete autonomy) * daily circle time - continue learning the stories from "Heroes of the Scriptures" * learn not to interrupt Goals for Carl: * continue potty training (shoot for keeping dry between scheduled pees) * learn to be quiet during scripture study Goals for Carolyn: * start and finish arranging Bro. Fetzer's music * drink a liter of water before nap time every day * read the scriptures every day before reading any fun material Goals for Mom: * don't forget Carl's pee times (wake-up, before Room Time, before outing, after outing, before nap, after nap, after dinner, before bed) * spend ten minutes every day per child attending to positive behaviors * take a picture every day

Carl can: * count to 12 * recite the alphabet * recognize most of the colors * recognize the letters from his name * identify body parts * identify animals * recite 4 scriptures * sing dozens of songs * remember the text from his favorite books

Fine Motor Skills Carl can: * scribble with crayons * do an age-appropriate puzzle * build with legos (and mega-blocks) * stack blocks * squeeze play-dough * turn the pages in a book * use a spoon * drink from an open cup * open cabinets and drawers * wash his own body Gross Motor Skills Carl can: * walk * run * dance * stand on one foot * carry stuff * climb up into his booster seat * help put his arms and legs into clothing * throw a ball * walk upstairs using a handrail * go downstairs on his hands and knees * balance on an open swing * push himself down a slide

When Soren was two years old, I published a list including every word he could say by that age. I always intended to do something similar for Carl but keeping up with his incredible vocabulary was a Herculean task. He used some complete sentences by 15 months and could talk about everything in his experience by the time he was 18. It would probably be more appropriate for me to chart his grammatical development in the past few months but I don't know how. I also never noticed him making grammatical mistakes, not even the traditional "I/you" trouble. His speech certainly has become more complicated, with conjunctions, modifiers, and multiple clauses but I don't know how to document that. Let's just say: this boy can talk.

Dear Heavenly Father, we are so grateful for the crayons. We are so grateful for the playdough. Please bless Soren that he will play with the Legos. Please bless Daddy to come home. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

I can't believe how time has flown. My little Carl is two years old! This is what we did to celebrate: 1. We pretty much had cake for breakfast. As soon as Soren woke up, he said "It's Carl's birthday!" and Carl started asking for the cake. I made cereal for the boys to eat but they didn't really touch them, what with the chanting for cake. So we made cupcakes right then and there; when they came out of the oven, I served them right away. Carl had picked out the kind the day before at the grocery store: funfetti cake with chocolate frosting. 2. Carl opened some of his birthday presents. Soren opened the rest. From Grandma and Grandpa, Carl got a table and chairs with little dishes for his play kitchen. From Nan and Poppy he got book money. There were also clothes (but he didn't think much of those). He was most excited about his cards, which he opened and closed and asked us to read over and over again. 3. Among the gifts was a really co

So ... Soren can read. How in the world can this boy read? No one believes me but the truth is that he taught himself. Really. I've know that he could recognize an impressive number of worlds for a few months. I've begun to suspect that he knew how to sound out words for a few weeks. So I decided to try an experiment and see just how much he really can do. I asked him to read "Mercury", a book we had checked out from the library a few days previously. He read the whole thing; there were about 2 words he asked for help with. The next time we went to the library, I checked out a few Berenstain Bears books, which are the least crummy early readers I could find. And he could read them, as well. There were a lot more unfamiliar words in those books; it was interesting to see what he did with them. At first, he would make an educated guess as to pronunciation based on the consonant sounds only. After a while, though, he started to get the vowels right as well. We

I don't really like to rant on this blog but every once in a while, I just can't help myself. And what I want to rant about today is pediatricians. Don't get me wrong. Pediatricians are a great idea. Kids are different from adults and it is great to have a pediatrician if your child has serious health problems. But for regular check-ups, pediatricians are the pits. My main problem with seeing a pediatrician on a regular basis is that they think every minor deviation from average constitutes a serious health problem. Skinny kid = malnourished. Late walker = stupid. Late talker = autism. They freak parents out unnecessarily and, as a result, increase the amount of worry and disappointment directed at normal children. They heap up guilt on great (or at least perfectly adequate) parents about things they can't (and don't need to) change. The truth is that no child is average. They are above average in some areas and below average in others. Or, perh

1. I love how *cute* he is when he talks.  He has such a sweet baby voice but speaks in complete, grammatically correct sentences.  It just melts my heart. 2. I love his sweet smile. 3. I love that he can pretend already.  He especially loves to "cook" and "serve" imaginary "food". 4. I love that he uses the toilet. 5. I love it when he copies Soren, especially when it makes no sense.  He recites the planets and their moons, asks me how to spell words (even though he doesn't know the alphabet), and memorizes the primary songs and scriptures. 6. I love the way he dances. He likes tapes of lullabies and has a gentle, expressive way of moving. 7. I love that he is getting into coloring. 8. I love that he is learning prayer etiquette. 9. I love to snuggle with him on my lap and read a book. 10. I love to hear him sing.  He is singing "I love to drink, drink, drink apples and bananas" right now. 11. I still love his beautiful blonde ha

It can be really hard to live with a toddler (not to mention two!).  In a not-so-recent The Onion article, a "reporter" teased that toddlers have been found to be bi-polar.  I certainly feel that way about my kids sometimes.  One minute they are dancing and laughing and playing happily by themselves; the next minute they are screaming "I kill you!", throwing themselves to the floor, screaching, sobbing, or lashing out aggressively.  This kind of behavior is undesirable.  It drives me crazy and is really embarassing in public.  It is not the way mature people handle themselves.  It won't make them any friends.  I definitely want to help my children grow out of temper tantrums. In my zeal to eliminate temper tantrums and all "excessive" displays of negative emotion, I used to have mini temper tantrums myself.  I would haul the offending child by the elbows to his room (screaming louder than he was) and chuck him unceremoniously on his bed. Then I wo

I spent two weeks with Carl on the "proven Three-Day Potty Training method". For most of the time, it seemed like a couple of fruitless weeks of staying home and rushing to the toilet every thirty minutes while my incontinent son peed straight through his undies and across the carpet.  But just when I was about to give up, something clicked and he (finally) had his first dry day on the second-to-last week in April. This was fortunate for me, since it was a critical week. My parents and my grandparents came and we all went to Provo for my brother's graduation. I had intended to give up when my family came to town but I just had this feeling that we were so close. I decided to be brave and keep Carl in underwear. So scary. But, then: elation! Let it be recorded: April 21, 2011 Carl was dry all day. He was so proud of himself, asking me to use the toilet everywhere we went: at convocation, at the restaurants, at the hotel, and all over the campus. And I was so proud of

SOREN: Dear Heavenly Father, we are so grateful for this day.  We are so grateful that we could fly to the moon.  Please bless the missionaries and please bless the prophet.  Please bless the nuts, in the name of Jesus Chirst, Amen.

SOREN: What is that building? ME: That is the city hall. It kind-of looks like a castle. SOREN: It looks like the temple. ME: Yeah, I guess so. SOREN: Daddy lives in the temple.

Scott blew his nose at church and then I saw him open the tissue and whisper to Soren about the contents.  I asked him: ME: Are you guys talking about boogers? SCOTT: Yeah. SOREN: Boogers are yummy!

Carl is (finally) walking.  Yes, he took his first steps about two months ago.  But since then, he has been very reluctant to improve on that skill.  I couldn't coax him into taking any solo steps at the Duede's house for Christmas and for most of this new year, he averaged about 2 or 3 steps a week. But two weeks ago, I figured out what motivated him: love.  He wouldn't walk for any number of yummy small treats and he wouldn't walk for excitement and praise but he would walk for hugs and kisses.  And in the last two weeks of practice, he has gone from a rare couple of steps to walking 80% of the time.  He has transformed from my little baby to my big toddler. He waited so long that this doesn't change much.  He could already get into anything he wanted to and it isn't like he was chomping at the bit so there's no eliminated frustration.  It's been a pretty seemless transition.  The only change is that I look up and see him walking to me, arms free fo

A few days ago, I went to pick up the boys' friends Victoria and Leah for a playdate.  I was pulling Carl and Leah in our red wagon; Soren and Victoria were alternatively dawdling and running along the sidewalk.  When we got to the street, I told Soren and Victoria to hold hands and stick with me as we crossed.  On the other side, they kept holding hands and Victoria said "Let's walk fast!"  I watched them run clumsily ahead of me hand in hand and I laughed at the things they said to each other. SOREN:  Ham was the first monkey in space. VICTORIA:  My shoes light up.  Look at my shoes! SOREN:  (looking at her shoes)   I have dinosaur shoes. VICTORIA:  My shoes light up. SOREN:  I see a bird!  It flew away into the sky! VICTORIA:  Let's walk fast. SOREN:  Let's go home, hun.

SOREN: Can I have it? ME: No. SOREN: Can I have a green one? ME: No. SOREN: Can I have a purple one? ME: No. SOREN: Can I have a blue one? ME: No. SOREN: Can I have another one? ME: No. SOREN: Can I have a bigger one? ME: No. SOREN: Where is it?

A few of people have told me that they don't really know Carl very well, not like they know Soren.  I find this unsuprising since we have all had more time to get to know Soren.  Still, friends and family ask me to describe Carl's personality and help them take the shortcut to knowing him as well as they know his older brother.  At first, I could only describe Carl as much as I could contrast him to Soren.  Which is really only a way of saying what Carl is not , or at least what he is not like right now.  Comparing them both to the many other children out there in the world seemed more useful so I took a quiz that promised to define your toddler's personality.  It said that Soren was "spirited" (translate as "a handful")and Carl was "touchy" (or "a whiner"), two labels I didn't want to apply to either of my kids and that I don't feel are particularly accurate either.  I can think of situations when any number of contradic

SOREN:  I want some food when we get to Aunt Monique's. ME:  No, honey.  It is not Aunt Monique's job to feed you.  It's my job and you just had breakfast. SOREN:  When we go home, I want some food. CARL:  I want food!  I want food!  I want food! ME:  We are not having any food until lunch. CARL:  I want food!  I want food!  I want food! SOREN:  [to Carl] No!  Stop chanting!  We are not having any food.  [to me]   Mommy, I want food!

OK, so we're all in the car and we've been there for a while.  Carl wants out and this is what he says: CARL:  I want down! ME:  Sorry, honey; I can't let you down in the car.  You have to stay in your seat. CARL:  I want potty!  I want potty! ME:  I don't think you know what that means. CARL:  I want potty! SCOTT:  He thinks it means pull the car over quick and run me into a restaurant . CARL:  I want to peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! ME:  Very funny.  That's not going to work. CARL:  All dry. SOREN:  Mommy, his underwear is dry!