When I think about the art of nurturing, I think about my responsibility as a mother to help my children reach their potential. I want to help them flower into the wonderful, unique adults they were born to be.
I have learned this past year that nurturing is, for me, much more about cherishing than about cultivating. It is less about forming the child and more about knowing the child. I have learned this by observing the way my husband nurtures me, which reminds me of the way God nurtures me. They see me as I really am. They listen to what I say and they notice what I do. They rejoice in my strengths and forgive me my failings. They trust in my good intentions and they offer suggestions when I am most receptive to them. All this encourages me to become my best self. I want to nurture my children in the same way.
Translating that sublime vision into ordinary acts is challenging. It is the flip-side of yesterday's post about self-care and sometimes the two goals can be contradictory. When I nurture myself, I notice my needs and accomplishments, then respond appropriately. When I nurture my family, I notice their needs and accomplishments, then respond appropriately. This means giving of the strength, wisdom, and energy I have put in reserve.
What does it look like in real life? It looks very ordinary.
* It looks like hugging a child who is upset.
* It looks like commenting on what my children are doing.
* It looks like listening to and trying to understand a never-ending story.
* It looks like holding our simple family rituals as sacred as my children do.
* It looks like responding (although not always with a "yes") to requests for a drink, for assistance, or for a playmate.
* It looks like making eye contact for no other reason than to connect with my child.
* It looks like correcting calmly and swiftly when my children need it.
* It looks like taking an interest in geography (because Soren loves it) or in animals (because Carl loves them).
* It looks like asking forgiveness.
Once upon a time I would have included fact-stuffing and discipline-training among the necessary components of nurturing children. While I still have a place for those activities in my life, I am learning more and more to trust my sons' potential. I can teach them values and lead the way but I cannot (and wouldn't want to) change their identity. This frees me to watch their natural divinity unfold. And as I watch, I cannot help but love them. And as I love them, I cannot help but nurture them.
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