Yesterday night Soren did not want to go to sleep. As usual, Scott gave him a bath. I nursed him then carried him, singing a lullaby, to the nursery. When I lowered his body into the crib, he began to cry. So I picked him up and nursed him again. And again. When it became apparent he had no intention of going to bed happily, I brought him out to the living room to sit on the couch with us. He snuggled up between Scott and I while I played a video game. In spite of the fact that it was initially undesired, this unexpected time together made the evening's events special. Soren was quiet and alert, with a fist in his mouth and his tiny body close and warm. Sometimes he would reach his slobbery hand out to try and touch the game controller. That was gross and yet, endearing. After about an hour, Soren began to yawn. His eyes were barely open; they were dark crescent moons waning behind his eyelids. I carried him again the nursery and this time he put his head down and his fist in his mouth.
This morning, we all walked Scott to the train stop. We do that every morning. This morning, though, I carried Soren in my arms. He's getting so big, that's a bit painful, but he loves it so much that sometimes it's fun. I was so happy to be with my beautiful son and his handsome father. The spring in my step became a bounce in my arms and Soren was laughing and showing his two bottom teeth to the world in a wide, open-mouthed grin. He sat on my lap while we waited for the train and, when it came, I took Soren's little hand and helped him wave goodbye. On the walk home, I sang our walking song, "Das Wandern".
If Soren could understand, what would I tell him? I love being a mother, I would say. I love being a part of your creation. I carried in you my body, forming you from myself, for nine months. Now you are outside, no longer a part of me, and still I am involved in creating the person you will be. Together we are creating that man. Your father calls it "watching budding humanity". Sometimes I can see that it is more like watching budding divinity.
This morning, we all walked Scott to the train stop. We do that every morning. This morning, though, I carried Soren in my arms. He's getting so big, that's a bit painful, but he loves it so much that sometimes it's fun. I was so happy to be with my beautiful son and his handsome father. The spring in my step became a bounce in my arms and Soren was laughing and showing his two bottom teeth to the world in a wide, open-mouthed grin. He sat on my lap while we waited for the train and, when it came, I took Soren's little hand and helped him wave goodbye. On the walk home, I sang our walking song, "Das Wandern".
If Soren could understand, what would I tell him? I love being a mother, I would say. I love being a part of your creation. I carried in you my body, forming you from myself, for nine months. Now you are outside, no longer a part of me, and still I am involved in creating the person you will be. Together we are creating that man. Your father calls it "watching budding humanity". Sometimes I can see that it is more like watching budding divinity.
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