Mom Remembers

Carl came downstairs this morning with a playsilk and asked me tie him a cape.  Then he announced: CARL:  I've been thinking about parachuting. ME:  You mean you want to go sky-diving? CARL:  Yeah. ME:  You should ask your Uncle Tim about it.  He has gone sky-diving before. CARL:  Really? MADDY:   (enters the room)   What are you talking about? CARL:  My Uncle Tim!  Mom says he's gone sky-diving, which is another word for parachuting.  And he's  still alive!  I know!  I've seen him.

These are Carl's responses from a worksheet he did in primary on Mother's Day. All About My Mom My Mom's name is  Momy  She is  30   years old. Mom and I like to  wash dishes  Mom likes to say, " I love you Carl " My mom really loves  sleeping with Dad  She likes to eat  chikin  She likes to drink  milk  My Mom's job is  work at home  If she had time, she would lie to  write her book  Mom is really good at  writing  If I could go anywhere in the world with her, we'd go  camping  I love my Mom because  she is awsum 

CARL:  When we get home, can we sit in the fridge? MOM:  No.  The fridge is for keeping food cool. SOREN:  And you could freeze in there! CARL:  But you don't understand how hot I am! I am as hot as a toenail on fire! MADDY: I know; I was almost cooked to a rotten chicken.

The boys are all eating breakfast together in the kitchen.  (Today it's eternal bowls of cheerios.)  I'm studying the scriptures in the other room, wondering if I should move to sit on the vent, where it's warmer.  Then I overhear this comment, from Carl: CARL: Some people are so poor, they don't have any brothers.  They are so unlucky.  But we've got exactly the opposite of that.  We have a lot of brothers!

I fried SPAM for the kids this morning.  Unfortunately, I fried it a little longer than they like.  It was slightly toasted on one side, which is perfect for me but is "burnt" to them.  They know they are not allowed to complain about the food but Carl always likes to comment anyway.  He used his most cheerful voice to pay me a false compliment: CARL:  Wow!  This SPAM is really well cooked! SOREN:  Yeah, it has carbon on it.  That's because SPAM is organic. Thanks, boys.

We are all painting at the dining room table (big mistake, I know).  Carl picks up Sven's (mostly) dried artwork and exclaims: CARL:  Oh, wow!  Did Sven do this? ME: Mm-hm. CARL:  It looks real!  Was it fingerpaint? ME: Mm-hm. CARL:  It looks like a real tornado, sideways, on the grass.  I never knew that he could paint that good!  It looks awesome!

Sometimes, kids say the darnedest things.  And then sometimes, you know exactly where those things come from. We were getting ready to cross a busy road without a stoplight and I was holding the kids back until all the cars passed.  Carl explained my reasoning to the other kids like this: CARL:  Some of those cars are Utah  drivers.  You gotta watch out for those cars.  They are not watching out for you.

Carl and Sven are playing with play sand at the table.  Soren is writing a novel "in handwriting".  Carl is pushing his sand into a mason jar, which Soren thinks is a bad idea. SOREN: If you smoosh the play sand into the jar then it will be harder to get out. CARL:  Soren, look.  [Carl turns the jar upsidedown and the sand falls easily out.] SOREN: Oops.  My hypothesis was wrong. CARL:  It was falsified.

SOREN:  Guess why the Jews lived in Judea?  Because they were Jews . CARL:  Yeah.  Their last name is "- Ew " so they live in J ew dea. SCOTT:  Well, the two things are not unrelated.

CARL:  Dear Heavenly Father, We're so grateful for this day.  Please bless our breakfast.  And please bless Mommy that she will remember to come and get these dinner leftovers off the table.

CARL:  Cat food tastes a lot worse than I thought.

SOREN:  Mom, I can't wait to get our car renewed! ME:  What do you mean? SOREN:  You know.  When you get new stickers on your license plate.  By paying the government money. CARL:  But the government is bad! SOREN:  No, the government is good. CARL:  No!  Remember the government shutdown? SOREN:  But you need money!

CARL:  I am smarter than any other person who can ride a bike and wear a necklace at the same time. ME:  Oh. CARL:  I can keep my necklace still while I ride my bike. ME:  Oh. CARL:  That's why I am smarter than any other person who can ride a bike and wear a necklace at the same time.

The kids and I were discussing the story of Ragnarok, or the Viking version of the end of the world.  Carl thought it was a scary story and was wondering if it was real.  I assured him that it was not, which was a relief.  But then Carl began to worry that the Aesir (or Norse gods) might also  not be real, which was a little distressing.  Soren responded to Carl's attachment to the mythology with righteous indignation: SOREN:  The first commandment is that we will have no other gods beside Him!  Jesus said that. ME:  Yep.  And that's part of why we don't worship the Aesir like Odin and Thor. CARL:  But Thor is real!  He makes the thunder!

ME: Did you eat my popcorn? CARL:  Mom, did you know that you can share with someone who isn't even there? SOREN:  Yeah!  It's called psychic sharing! ME:  No, it's called stealing!

We're driving in the car to Provo for the Timpanogos Storytelling Festival.  It's a hot afternoon and Carl exclaims: CARL:  It smells like hell  in here. Scott and I just look at each other, amused and surprised.  We don't say anything, hoping that Carl will elaborate.  Thankfully, after a pregnant pause, he does: CARL:  It smells like fire and that's what hell smells like. (A comment on this: I don't believe in a fire and brimstone hell and I definitely haven't taught my boys to believe in one.  I believe in a hell that is like fire and brimstone.  It is more a state of the heart than the body.  But Soren likes to read the Bible to himself and his interpretations are much more literal.  Then he tells Carl about what he reads.  So they are getting some ideas of their own ...)

I'm putting Carl in bed for the night.  His story has been read and his song has been sung but Scott is still reading with Soren and I want to savor the moment a little.  So I ask: ME:  Can I have a hug? CARL:  No. ME:  Well, can I have a kiss? CARL:  No.  Kisses make me wet and hugs hurt. ME:  Oh.  Well, let me try just one more thing that I really love.  Can I smell you? CARL:  Sure! ME:   (getting a deep breath of his muggy smell and a hint of coconut shampoo)   Mmmmm. CARL:  I smell like hot dogs and cheese!

Carl is holding up something he made with legos and he says: CARL:  Mom, can I keep this out for Peter?  It's his milk. ME:  Sure.  Is it rabbit milk or cow's milk? CARL:  It's rabbit milk.  Do you know how rabbits make milk? ME:  How? CARL:  They eat as much carrots as they can.  And they find as many jugs of milk as they can and drink it!

CARL:  Dear Heavenly Father, please bless this food that it will nourish our bodies.  Please bless Texas and Elizabeth that they will have fun today.  Please bless Mommy's computer that it won't freak out.  In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

PRIMARY LEADER: We are all children of God. CARL:  Not Megaman!  He's a child of Dr. Light!