Mom Remembers

They say that later-born children have skinny photo albums.  While parents lavish attention on the firstborn (making certain to record every milestone and in both print and pixels), later children are forgotten and neglected.  So the common wisdom goes. Maybe its true.  There are certainly fewer posts on this blog about the younger boys than there were about the older ones.  And there's no doubt about it: fewer photos are taken now-a-days.  I don't even want to talk about videos.  Poor neglected Leif.  According to the records, he's hardly even a presence in this house. Except that's not true. The paucity of posts and pictures does not reflect an absence of affection.  It does not speak to my feelings about living with children at all.  I find them no less delightful and amazing than I did eight years ago when I first began my mothering journey.  If anything, the little ones delight me even more now.  I know better how to enjo...

One of my greatest worries about having four children was that I would not be able to welcome and love my new baby as well as I had the others.  Now that he is here, I feel that he is perhaps the most welcomed and best loved of all my sons.  More on that in a moment. I struggled to bond with Leif in utero, in part because pregnancy was old hat to me and in part because life was busy with too many other things.  The new miracle  growing inside of me was the most normal thing about my life.  There were a few good moments that helped me prepare mentally: doing guided meditations during Christmas vacation, my blessingway on January 6th, and a really good conversation I had with Scott about my hopes and worries.  But mostly, my mind was elsewhere. And then there was the birth.  I should have known that it would be a totally unique experience and that it would prepare me for this totally unique child. Needless to say, I'm crazy about the little guy. ...

My first week of homeschooling has been surprisingly draining. Before the big first day, I felt mostly excitement.  My research was done and my choices were made.  My plans were in place and I was confident in them.  My son was eager and ready to learn. I thought that homeschooling would be either a) a blast or b) not that different from normal life. It was both of those things.  But it was neither. That makes no sense and yet it is true.  My first week homeschooling was both fun and terrifying.  And while it was not that different from normal parenting, I felt  different and not in entirely positive ways.  All of a sudden, I felt afraid.  Afraid of falling short, of messing up, of unforeseeable complications and very real impending complications, of missing things, of going too fast or too slow, of getting bored, of being isolated, of everything . And while I have plenty of good coping mechanisms for dealing with these issues, they...

I am pregnant with another boy !  I was surprised by how much this surprised me.  My mom only had three boys so, although I always wanted lots of boys, I really expected this one to be a girl. He's not! So, without further ado, here is my list of four reasons why four boys are better than three. 1. There's a sense of balance about four.  Everyone has a buddy!  Plus, the four of them can be a kick-butt team.  Think of all the awesome foursomes: the four Ninja Turtles, the four gospels, the four hobbits, the four horsemen of the apocalypse, the four skillful brothers , the four Hogwarts houses, the three Musketeers (who are actually four), the four Ghostbusters, and the four archangels.  In a great foursome, each person has unique and necessary skills that aid in the accomplishment of the groups goals.  I hope that my four boys can be that kind of team. 2. The symbolic aspect of four suggests completion as it is a representation of all earthly th...

I have been taking a mom-cation.  This means that I have been doing the bare minimum to keep my children fed and clothed while working on other projects. I haven't been doing homeschool.  I've skipped helping them with chores most days.  I haven't really been cooking all that much and I haven't scrubbed or bleached anything .  I haven't been doing boundary training with Sven or teaching Carl to read.  I have even tried to sneak out of story reading and song singing at bedtime. It's been all right.  My children are still alive.  And, surprisingly, they are still (mostly) happy. But I'm back.  I'm ready to be a parent again and not just a babysitter.  I'm ready to go on walks and supervise art projects.  I'm ready to kiss boo-boos and custom cut peanut butter sandwiches.  Wait, scratch that last one.  I never did that in the first place. Let's just say I'm back in the game.

I am a more peaceful mother when I begin my day with the inner work of prayer and scripture study. I love to start my day with clean kitchen counters.  I feel less stress when the dishes are done. My day goes smoother when I have a plan. My proudest mothering moments are those times when I have lovingly stood by my children when they were hurting. My own happiness is magnified when I reach out in love to my children, especially at times when they aren't expecting it. I enjoy teaching my children. It is easier for me to be kind when I am singing. I feel more love for my children (and they for me) when I speak gently to them. I can discipline more truthfully when I see the best in my sons and remember their great potential. I feel confident when I remember that Heavenly Father sent these boys to me for a reason (and it's not because I'm perfect!). I will make mistakes.  Repentance enables me to be a better mother: a free and joyful mother. My children wil...

and it seems I make a new one every season. This past summer, I pretty much took a break from scheduling and just let my life run free!  I didn't get much done but the kids kept themselves reasonably entertained and my house didn't catch fire, so that's great.  Still, with autumn coming and Scott back in school, I find myself craving some more predictability.  And since I have more energy than I did this summer, I want a plan for accomplishing the stuff I want to. My friend Michelle and I were feeling about the same way at the same time so we spent last week cooking up some awesome schedules.  This week, we are putting our honor on the line and holding each other accountable for sticking to them.  By the end of the week, we hope to make a few tweeks and then be ready for a productive autumn! Today was Day One of The New Super Schedule and I *love* it! Here's the plan: 7 am - I get up and read the scriptures.  Then, the kids get up and get dressed...

When I listen to, read about, or even watch what other moms are doing for their kids, I start to panic.  I begin to wonder, am I doing enough? Because I'm not doing science experiments with my kids.  I haven't taught them Quenya (or even Spanish!).     I'm not teaching them about money.  I don't cook with them, even when they ask to help me.   Although I would love to, I rarely take them to play outside our own yard.  They aren't taking music lessons or participating in team sports.  Soren isn't even attending preschool, so he doesn't play with kids his own age.   I miss tons of "teaching opportunities" because I am too busy doing my own stuff.  And I don't really make up for all that busy by scheduling time to play with them.   Sometimes, when I go back and read the things that I  wrote on this blog, I panic.  I worry that I have fallen too far, even from the little I used to do. Because I haven't taught Carl his al...

Every mom needs faith. I'm talking about faith in God. I, in particular, need more of it. That's why I'm writing myself this pep talk. This is what I know: There is a plan for Soren and Carl. I am a part of that plan. God wants me to be the best mother I can; He is counting on it. This is something else I know: I have made mistakes and I will make many more. I am often selfish and prideful, which is something motherhood allows me to work on overcoming. Sometimes I just make stupid choices. However, this is still part of the plan and I know that God's plan is more awesome than I can imagine. I will do the best I can and He will make up the rest. Hard as it is for me to believe it, He loves my boys more than I do. He isn't going to let me jeopardize their eternal happiness. So when I fret about parenting philosophies and educational decisions, worrying that I will "screw my kids up forever", I just need to take a deep breath and have a little fai...

This post is a lot more about my feeelings (as Audrey would say) than I usually discuss in this blog but it needs to be written. It probably doesn't need to be written for any of my readers; perhaps it only needs to be written for me. It's about my experiences with Soren as a new baby and the valuable truth I want to remember when I have another new baby. A lot of my friends are pregnant with their first child right now and so this spring has been the baby shower season for me. Baby showers are a great opportunity to give gifts and advice, so I've been thinking a lot about the gadgetry I was most grateful for and the knowledge I wish I'd had when Soren was born. Picking out a baby shower gift is easy. Scott and I knew immediately what material possession made having a baby 10xs easier: our sling. We went without diapers and bottles and didn't use our bassinet or stroller for months. But we would never have survived the first week without the sling we carried So...

Every mom is different and so is every child. There is no one right way to parent. I learned something very valuable in General Conference this weekend. I learned that we have more in common as mothers in Zion than we have differences. All the important things we have in common. I've been secretly bitter and antagonistic towards other moms who, in their zeal and love for their babies, left me feeling inadequate and then, as a defense mechanism, spiteful and self-righteous. But I was wrong and if I have offended you, I'm sorry. President Eyring talked about the need for unity in the church and, although he wasn't talking about our need to come together as mothers and women, that's what I heard. That's what I needed to hear. A great day of unity is coming and I want to be a part of it. If that is to be, I knew I needed to give up my pride. Eyring said that we focus too much on our differences. We exaggerate them, trying to seperate ourselves from eachother, trying to...

I believe that the people that you love most have the power to change the person that you are. Falling in love with Scott forever changed the woman that I am. I look back with fondness on the girl I was. She is someone I was always happy to be. But I'm different now. And although as I was content before, I became even more so afterwards. I became more open and trusting. I felt more stable and peaceful. I think I gained wisdom. I don't think you can love and not be wiser. Loving Soren has irrevocably changed me too, as I hope every child I have will. Sometimes I feel as though I have borrowed his driving need for self-discovery and his refreshing lack of inhibitions. Sometimes, when I look in his sleepy eyes, I feel as though I have regained a lost innocence. And, again, I believe I am wiser now. This is how it happens: I'm sitting on the couch reading a book or a blog. I am encompassed by my own affairs and my own interests; I am an island and happy to stay that way. Soren ...