Mom Remembers

These are Soren's responses from a worksheet he did in primary on Mother's Day. All About My Mom My Mom's name is   Carolyn  She is   30   years old. Mom and I like to   play games  Mom likes to say, "  clean that up!  " My mom really loves   the family  She likes to eat   leftovers  She likes to drink   water  My Mom's job is   housekeeper  If she had time, she would lie to   work  Mom is really good at   making the funniest out of every ansswer  If I could go anywhere in the world with her, we'd go   to Poland.  I love my Mom because   she's great 

SOREN: (cutting across the grass on his bike) My bike is like an ATV!

Soren was assigned to read Helaman chapters 10 and 11 (of the Book of Mormon) in school this week.  This is the story of Nephi receiving power from God to do practically anything.  (He prays for a famine, hoping that it will teach the people humility.  It works.) After reading the story, Soren gave me a great narration: SOREN: In this chapter, Nephi receives root permission.  He can do anything.  The root user can even destroy the whole system with just six commands.

I fried SPAM for the kids this morning.  Unfortunately, I fried it a little longer than they like.  It was slightly toasted on one side, which is perfect for me but is "burnt" to them.  They know they are not allowed to complain about the food but Carl always likes to comment anyway.  He used his most cheerful voice to pay me a false compliment: CARL:  Wow!  This SPAM is really well cooked! SOREN:  Yeah, it has carbon on it.  That's because SPAM is organic. Thanks, boys.

Sven:  I think the pioneers went to Illinois. Soren:  No, they went from  Illinois. Carl:  To Utah. Soren:  And there, Abraham Lincoln said "This is the Place."

SOREN:  Part of the reason I choose you to be my actual  mom is not just the things you let me do but also your voice. (I am wondering what the difference is between an actual  mom and the regular type.)

SOREN:  We can use spiritual knowledge as a brick separator in our lives, separating our problems so we can go on our way.

Carl and Sven are playing with play sand at the table.  Soren is writing a novel "in handwriting".  Carl is pushing his sand into a mason jar, which Soren thinks is a bad idea. SOREN: If you smoosh the play sand into the jar then it will be harder to get out. CARL:  Soren, look.  [Carl turns the jar upsidedown and the sand falls easily out.] SOREN: Oops.  My hypothesis was wrong. CARL:  It was falsified.

SOREN:  I have finally figured out what parents are. SCOTT:  Is this the kind of thing that is going to get you sent to your room? SOREN:  No.  They are what I don't like.  So when I grow up I'm going to have no wife and no kids ... and I will end this madness!

SOREN:  Guess why the Jews lived in Judea?  Because they were Jews . CARL:  Yeah.  Their last name is "- Ew " so they live in J ew dea. SCOTT:  Well, the two things are not unrelated.

SOREN:  I'm not only powerful, I am also hillarious. MICHELLE:  Ha ha.  That's true! SOREN:  Knock, knock. MICHELLE:  Who's there? SOREN:  You. MICHELLE:  You who? SOREN:  Ha ha ha!

MOM:  Soren, please come to the kitchen and put the dishes away. SOREN:  Yeah!  (comes skipping to the kitchen and then sees all the dishes on the counter)  Which ones? MOM:  All of them. SOREN:  But this is back-breaking work! MOM:  No, it is not back-breaking work.  If you want me to show you back-breaking work, I can. SOREN:  No, thank you.

SOREN:  Mom, I can't wait to get our car renewed! ME:  What do you mean? SOREN:  You know.  When you get new stickers on your license plate.  By paying the government money. CARL:  But the government is bad! SOREN:  No, the government is good. CARL:  No!  Remember the government shutdown? SOREN:  But you need money!

SOREN:  On the Langers label, the blue represents green and the lion represents white.  That's because Langers is an Italian company. ME:  The lion represents white?  That's really confusing. SOREN:  That's the science of representing.

SOREN:  You know who is the best? ME:  Who? SOREN:  Me!  I do all the things that you are too lazy to do.

SOREN:  Mom, I have a cow.  And when he was a calf, he would make milk and I would give it to people that were fond of milk.  But now he has been treated with rbST.

The kids and I were discussing the story of Ragnarok, or the Viking version of the end of the world.  Carl thought it was a scary story and was wondering if it was real.  I assured him that it was not, which was a relief.  But then Carl began to worry that the Aesir (or Norse gods) might also  not be real, which was a little distressing.  Soren responded to Carl's attachment to the mythology with righteous indignation: SOREN:  The first commandment is that we will have no other gods beside Him!  Jesus said that. ME:  Yep.  And that's part of why we don't worship the Aesir like Odin and Thor. CARL:  But Thor is real!  He makes the thunder!

SOREN:  I am going to be an adult like you!  I am learning the secrets of adultery!

ME: Did you eat my popcorn? CARL:  Mom, did you know that you can share with someone who isn't even there? SOREN:  Yeah!  It's called psychic sharing! ME:  No, it's called stealing!

SOREN:   (holding up a drawing)   "Look, Mom!  I made something!" ME:  Yep, you did. SOREN:  It's for you! ME:  Thank you.  What is it? SOREN:  It's some ice cream for your birthday! ME:  Oh, cool!  Should I put it in the freezer so it doesn't melt? SOREN:  Do you know what?  It's just pretend.