This week, my husband Scott fell off a ladder while getting ready to put the storm windows up on our house. He fell and hit his head on our driveway, damaging his brain. He has been sedated in the hospital all week and we are just coming to grips with the fact that he will not be home for a long time. It seemed like a good time to start writing and about remembering that good things that are happening in our lives, in the hopes that someday we can tell him what happened while he was sleeping/recovering.
So, even though this was the most painful week of my life, here are a few favorites:
1. Everything the morning of the accident was perfect. Clinging to those happy memories has been such a comfort to me. Scott and I didn't have to attend foster parenting classes for the first time in three weeks. We stayed in bed until eight, made the biggest pancake breakfast with the kids--with an overkill of delicious toppings--and then got started on Saturday jobs with gusto. Scott mowed the lawn and installed a bidet at his parent's house before asking me to help him with the windows. He was his best self that day and we were so happy to be together.
2. My brother-in-law and Brother McDonald gave Scott a blessing in the emergency room. I could barely hear what was said but I did hear the promise that Scott's body would be strong. Brother McDonald was so very peaceful to be with and he later told me that the blessing also said Scott had work to do on this side of the veil.
3. The neurosurgeon saved Scott's life and is cautiously optimistic that he will regain enough quality of life to have made it worthwhile.
4. Having Rachel with me in the hospital was such a blessing. She was calm and unflinching. She has let me talk to her about everything I have been feeling and has helped me to understand the medical jargon along the way.
5. The Cowarts sent Pizza Hut as soon as they heard about it, so the boys (who were with my mother-in-law) had food. Later, Brother Cowart sent me a music recommendation that comforted me a lot.
6. My parents drove up as soon as they heard and were there before the day was over the night of the fall. They have played with and watched over my boys so that I could spend lots of time in the hospital with Scott.
7. My brother-in-law gave me a blessing of comfort. In it, he admonished me to read Scott's patriarchal blessing and my own. I have done that every day since the accident and it has been an amazing source of comfort.
8. Ash also set up his DS for me so that I could play Tetris before bed. Once upon a time, Scott had told me that would help prevent PTSD in people who were dealing with traumatic memories. Since I was just watching Scott fall on replay over and over again for the first day, I was very grateful for that.
9. On Sunday, my mother-in-law made an amazing beef stew and my brother-in-law made his famous rolls. We all got together for dinner, my parents and in-laws, my brother Tim, the kids and the Ahrens. Having so many of the people who love me and Scott together was bitter-sweet, but just right for the time.
10. Monday was Memorial Day, so Rachel and Ash helped me take the kids to the parade. Ash made a video for Scott, making sure to get the Shriners in it. That was Scott's favorite part.
11. In a way that I can't explain to anyone, God has been there for me. I have reached out for his guidance and comfort again and again; it has been returned to me with all the immediacy of a conversation. He is real. The gospel is true. And that matters *so much*.
12. Listening to my kids pray with real intent this week has been amazing. Carl's prayers, especially, have changed from rote recitations to very thoughtful and heart-felt expressions of gratitude and faith. God is there for them, too, and I am grateful to be able to see it.
13. My father-in-law put up an old general conference talk (An High Priest of Good Things to Come) on facebook that gave me a lot of comfort.
14. The homeschool support group brought over tons of food and gas cards within the first few days.
15. I was especially touched by the love shown to us by Scott's brothers in the lodge. The worshipful master, Richard Knox, went to visit him in the hospital and brought him a masonic hat. Then he came to visit me and tell me about how special and unique Scott was. He bore his witness to me that Scott was in the hands of the Great Physician. Later, he sent me an application for financial assistance from the lodge; apparently, masons aren't just spouting lovely platitudes when they say that they will care for each others' widows.
16. On Tuesday night, Soren got his bear badge at the last pack meeting of the year. Carl wasn't able to get his wolf badge because his den is kind-of disorganized right now but he took it like a trooper.
17. Patrick came on Wednesday and he played with the kids for two days straight. He rough-housed with them, just like my dad used to do with me. He played lots of Ticket to Ride with Soren and Carl. He brought the fun that was so much needed. He also brought a very sobering perspective on the situation that was also needed.
15. This video, on the lds.org splash page this week was helpful while I was realizing how long the recovery process could take for Scott. At, I had the idea that he would either come back to us quickly or not at all. Watching this video was the first inkling I had that his return to our family might be a very long, slow process. That prepared me for everything I was going to learn from doctors and nurses on Thursday.
16. I got to spend most of the day with Scott on Thursday. The nurse taking care of him on that day was amazing. She really helped me to process what the future looked like for Scott. She was so compassionate and encouraging but she didn't sugar-coat anything. She has experienced traumatic injuries and aggressive rehab in her family; from her own experiences was able to be with me in a way no one else has been able to. Thursday was almost as hard as the day of the accident but having her there to walk me through everything was a tender mercy of the Lord.
17. When I came home on Thursday, my dad had pulled the two ugly bushes out of my front lawn and was putting in a flower bed. Pat and Tim got to work with him right away, too, and they cleaned out my whole side yard as well. I know that my yard is one of the least important things in my life right now but seeing them working so hard to make my home beautiful was one of the biggest lifts I got all week.
18. My parents stayed at the Hampton Inn all week so we were able to get breakfast there every day. The kids had giant waffles with whipped cream and as much fruit loops as they could hold. Then they would go swimming with their uncles and grandpa, who make everything fun. Following their example, my mom took the boys swimming by herself this morning and she was amazingly interactive.
19. I am astonished by the boys' capacity to carry on, to laugh and play and be kind to each other. I am grateful every time they apologize, forgive, and help. Our family is going to make it.
20. Sister Foster came over this morning to help me with the garden. She could identify every plant Scott had put in and told me which ones were weeds. She is coming back tomorrow to weed more and put in a new crop of seeds in the areas we have harvested.
21. Sven has been very liberal with the affection this week. He seems mostly untouched by the crisis but has been gently loving, with lots of hugs and "I love yous".
22. Last night, I heard one of my neighbors rolling my trash cans out to the curb. I don't know who it was but that simple act of service meant a lot to me.
23. Reading the Book of Mormon has kept me grounded. I started a study project a little over a month ago that has been comforting to continue. Every day, I come back to the Word and I know that we are going to make it through. So is Scott. This is for sure going to be the hardest thing we have ever faced, and we are going to have to do a lot of it on our own, but we are going to be ok.
24. On Friday, my mom made my favorite food from when I was a kid: ham and cheese crescent pie. It's something that I love but don't associate with Scott at all, which made it easier to eat. In fact, now that I think about it, I have eaten all new things this week, none of the old things that we shared. I know that will have to change sometime but I am glad I don't have to prepare those things for just myself right now.
25. My sister sent me this picture from her wedding. I love it. You would think this would be harder because we were so happy together but that is actually a deep source of peace and comfort. We didn't waste the time we had together. We won't waste what we have left, either.
So, even though this was the most painful week of my life, here are a few favorites:
1. Everything the morning of the accident was perfect. Clinging to those happy memories has been such a comfort to me. Scott and I didn't have to attend foster parenting classes for the first time in three weeks. We stayed in bed until eight, made the biggest pancake breakfast with the kids--with an overkill of delicious toppings--and then got started on Saturday jobs with gusto. Scott mowed the lawn and installed a bidet at his parent's house before asking me to help him with the windows. He was his best self that day and we were so happy to be together.
2. My brother-in-law and Brother McDonald gave Scott a blessing in the emergency room. I could barely hear what was said but I did hear the promise that Scott's body would be strong. Brother McDonald was so very peaceful to be with and he later told me that the blessing also said Scott had work to do on this side of the veil.
3. The neurosurgeon saved Scott's life and is cautiously optimistic that he will regain enough quality of life to have made it worthwhile.
4. Having Rachel with me in the hospital was such a blessing. She was calm and unflinching. She has let me talk to her about everything I have been feeling and has helped me to understand the medical jargon along the way.
5. The Cowarts sent Pizza Hut as soon as they heard about it, so the boys (who were with my mother-in-law) had food. Later, Brother Cowart sent me a music recommendation that comforted me a lot.
6. My parents drove up as soon as they heard and were there before the day was over the night of the fall. They have played with and watched over my boys so that I could spend lots of time in the hospital with Scott.
7. My brother-in-law gave me a blessing of comfort. In it, he admonished me to read Scott's patriarchal blessing and my own. I have done that every day since the accident and it has been an amazing source of comfort.
8. Ash also set up his DS for me so that I could play Tetris before bed. Once upon a time, Scott had told me that would help prevent PTSD in people who were dealing with traumatic memories. Since I was just watching Scott fall on replay over and over again for the first day, I was very grateful for that.
9. On Sunday, my mother-in-law made an amazing beef stew and my brother-in-law made his famous rolls. We all got together for dinner, my parents and in-laws, my brother Tim, the kids and the Ahrens. Having so many of the people who love me and Scott together was bitter-sweet, but just right for the time.
10. Monday was Memorial Day, so Rachel and Ash helped me take the kids to the parade. Ash made a video for Scott, making sure to get the Shriners in it. That was Scott's favorite part.
11. In a way that I can't explain to anyone, God has been there for me. I have reached out for his guidance and comfort again and again; it has been returned to me with all the immediacy of a conversation. He is real. The gospel is true. And that matters *so much*.
12. Listening to my kids pray with real intent this week has been amazing. Carl's prayers, especially, have changed from rote recitations to very thoughtful and heart-felt expressions of gratitude and faith. God is there for them, too, and I am grateful to be able to see it.
13. My father-in-law put up an old general conference talk (An High Priest of Good Things to Come) on facebook that gave me a lot of comfort.
14. The homeschool support group brought over tons of food and gas cards within the first few days.
15. I was especially touched by the love shown to us by Scott's brothers in the lodge. The worshipful master, Richard Knox, went to visit him in the hospital and brought him a masonic hat. Then he came to visit me and tell me about how special and unique Scott was. He bore his witness to me that Scott was in the hands of the Great Physician. Later, he sent me an application for financial assistance from the lodge; apparently, masons aren't just spouting lovely platitudes when they say that they will care for each others' widows.
16. On Tuesday night, Soren got his bear badge at the last pack meeting of the year. Carl wasn't able to get his wolf badge because his den is kind-of disorganized right now but he took it like a trooper.
17. Patrick came on Wednesday and he played with the kids for two days straight. He rough-housed with them, just like my dad used to do with me. He played lots of Ticket to Ride with Soren and Carl. He brought the fun that was so much needed. He also brought a very sobering perspective on the situation that was also needed.
15. This video, on the lds.org splash page this week was helpful while I was realizing how long the recovery process could take for Scott. At, I had the idea that he would either come back to us quickly or not at all. Watching this video was the first inkling I had that his return to our family might be a very long, slow process. That prepared me for everything I was going to learn from doctors and nurses on Thursday.
16. I got to spend most of the day with Scott on Thursday. The nurse taking care of him on that day was amazing. She really helped me to process what the future looked like for Scott. She was so compassionate and encouraging but she didn't sugar-coat anything. She has experienced traumatic injuries and aggressive rehab in her family; from her own experiences was able to be with me in a way no one else has been able to. Thursday was almost as hard as the day of the accident but having her there to walk me through everything was a tender mercy of the Lord.
17. When I came home on Thursday, my dad had pulled the two ugly bushes out of my front lawn and was putting in a flower bed. Pat and Tim got to work with him right away, too, and they cleaned out my whole side yard as well. I know that my yard is one of the least important things in my life right now but seeing them working so hard to make my home beautiful was one of the biggest lifts I got all week.
18. My parents stayed at the Hampton Inn all week so we were able to get breakfast there every day. The kids had giant waffles with whipped cream and as much fruit loops as they could hold. Then they would go swimming with their uncles and grandpa, who make everything fun. Following their example, my mom took the boys swimming by herself this morning and she was amazingly interactive.
19. I am astonished by the boys' capacity to carry on, to laugh and play and be kind to each other. I am grateful every time they apologize, forgive, and help. Our family is going to make it.
20. Sister Foster came over this morning to help me with the garden. She could identify every plant Scott had put in and told me which ones were weeds. She is coming back tomorrow to weed more and put in a new crop of seeds in the areas we have harvested.
21. Sven has been very liberal with the affection this week. He seems mostly untouched by the crisis but has been gently loving, with lots of hugs and "I love yous".
22. Last night, I heard one of my neighbors rolling my trash cans out to the curb. I don't know who it was but that simple act of service meant a lot to me.
23. Reading the Book of Mormon has kept me grounded. I started a study project a little over a month ago that has been comforting to continue. Every day, I come back to the Word and I know that we are going to make it through. So is Scott. This is for sure going to be the hardest thing we have ever faced, and we are going to have to do a lot of it on our own, but we are going to be ok.
24. On Friday, my mom made my favorite food from when I was a kid: ham and cheese crescent pie. It's something that I love but don't associate with Scott at all, which made it easier to eat. In fact, now that I think about it, I have eaten all new things this week, none of the old things that we shared. I know that will have to change sometime but I am glad I don't have to prepare those things for just myself right now.
25. My sister sent me this picture from her wedding. I love it. You would think this would be harder because we were so happy together but that is actually a deep source of peace and comfort. We didn't waste the time we had together. We won't waste what we have left, either.
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