Surrounded by Love

One of my greatest worries about having four children was that I would not be able to welcome and love my new baby as well as I had the others.  Now that he is here, I feel that he is perhaps the most welcomed and best loved of all my sons.  More on that in a moment.

I struggled to bond with Leif in utero, in part because pregnancy was old hat to me and in part because life was busy with too many other things.  The new miracle growing inside of me was the most normal thing about my life.  There were a few good moments that helped me prepare mentally: doing guided meditations during Christmas vacation, my blessingway on January 6th, and a really good conversation I had with Scott about my hopes and worries.  But mostly, my mind was elsewhere.

And then there was the birth.  I should have known that it would be a totally unique experience and that it would prepare me for this totally unique child.

Needless to say, I'm crazy about the little guy.

Scott has also really taken to the baby with a tenderness that surprised me.  He confided in me that he worried about bonding with yet another son but that his worries were unfounded.  He didn't really say anything more than that but I can see the unspoken part in the way he talks to and holds our newest family member: he loved him from the start.  He can often be found on the couch, with little Leif snuggled in the crook of his arm, both of them calm and happy.  He is also the preferred soother; Leif would rather suck on Scott's finger than nurse when he is upset!  (This is probably because he was born with a upper lip tie and found nursing to be stressful at the start.  Well, that and because Scott was always so quick to volunteer.)

But in addition to having two parents who adore him, Leif also has three brothers that dote on him as well.  Carl, especially, loves to spend time with Leif.  Whenever he has a spare moment, Carl asks to hold the baby.  And he will just sit and cuddle him without getting bored.  Sometimes he does "This Little Piggy" with the tiny baby toes.  Sometimes he lets Leif suck on his pinkie.  He keeps trying to find something that I will let him feed to the baby; perhaps he is disappointed that I am the only one capable of doing that?  He has also frequently requested that I teach him to change diapers because he wants so desperately to be involved in baby care.  He doesn't get how to fold the cloth yet but I'm sure he'll figure it out (and then decide that diapering isn't all it's cracked up to be.)

Sven is super cute with Leif.  At first, he was a little over-eager to point out his facial features.  ("That's a eye!")  But now, whenever he sees the baby, Sven will come and put a gentle hand on his head and ask in a quiet, sing-song voice, "How you doing, Leif?"  He also makes sure that Leif gets his blankie whenever he finds it lying around the house.  In the mornings, when he first wakes up, Sven comes to find Leif and I where we are nursing on the couch, then snuggles with us.  I worried that Sven would feel threatened by our new addition but he seems to have taken it in stride.  When he asks me to carry him and I tell him I can't because I am carrying Leif, he doesn't fuss but will just walk and hold my hand.  (This is in contrast to the way he behaves when I tell him I can't carry him because I am cooking dinner.  Then he has a little tizzy fit.)  Sometimes he even comments in his charming little voice, "Oh, Leif!"  But it sounds more like "Oh, Weef!"

And Soren.  He loves Leif in his own (less hands-on) way.  He tells everyone about his new baby and his Viking namesake.  He was happy to hear that I intend for him to share a room with Leif in the new house.  Soren is also very willing to help by bringing things (like blankets, diapers, and clothes) and taking things (like soiled blankets, diapers, and clothes).  And sometimes, he even wants to hold him.

And so, I don't worry anymore that Leif will feel unloved.  He is surrounded by love.  Surely he can feel it.  There are five people in this house that love and care for him.  In addition, he has dozens of extended family members that rush to hold and ogle him whenever they get the chance.  And he even has a cat that tolerates him!  What baby could be more blessed?