Mom Remembers

More than in years past, I have been feeling very keenly the need to gird up my loins and take courage this Michaelmas.  Starting with the official onset of homeschool, I have been feeling intimidated by my own life choices and uncertain about my abilities.  Or, perhaps more accurately, I have been feeling weary of the work and wary of the knowledge that there is only more to come. It's not just the 18+ years of homeschooling ahead that I need to face with courage.  It is also the impending winter and cabin fever, the rest of this pregnancy, the addition of child #4, and the necessary but uncertain relocation of our family.  And so this season, I have been personally edified more than usual by the stories of courage, endurance, and divine assistance that I tell my children.  They have led me to acknowledge my weariness without abandoning my cause.  They have inspired me to lengthen my stride in preparation for the future.  And they have given me hope...

My first week of homeschooling has been surprisingly draining. Before the big first day, I felt mostly excitement.  My research was done and my choices were made.  My plans were in place and I was confident in them.  My son was eager and ready to learn. I thought that homeschooling would be either a) a blast or b) not that different from normal life. It was both of those things.  But it was neither. That makes no sense and yet it is true.  My first week homeschooling was both fun and terrifying.  And while it was not that different from normal parenting, I felt  different and not in entirely positive ways.  All of a sudden, I felt afraid.  Afraid of falling short, of messing up, of unforeseeable complications and very real impending complications, of missing things, of going too fast or too slow, of getting bored, of being isolated, of everything . And while I have plenty of good coping mechanisms for dealing with these issues, they...